Getting past pride: how to care for elderly moms and dads

By Holly Graham

With fall and winter months headed to Northern Colorado, it is important to take into consideration how the chilly weather and increased house maintenance might affect the aging population. Adult children play a major role in the care of aging parents, but the role reversal from child to caregiver can be difficult to understand and implement.

Julie Rich, Director of Senior Living at Good Samaritan Society of Fort Collins and RN, helps provide suggestions, tips and tricks to smooth the transition.

Start a conversation:

Communication is the most important way for an adult child to understand the mind and life of his or her aging parent. “The first thing is to sit down and share your heart; share your concern,” Rich suggests. “We want you to enjoy the good things in life and not have to worry about shoveling or the laundry.”

Importance of independence:

The fine line between helpful and overbearing is difficult to distinguish. Let elderly parents do what they can. “I think we would all want this ourselves, and [it is important] to honor them and respect them as much as humanly possible,” says Rich. “Safety is a biggie. Are they leaving the stove on or the water running? Don't panic when one thing happens, but heighten your awareness.”

Consistency:

Consistency is a great way to allow for independence while also creating a sense of safety. Many of the residents at Good Samaritan Society, with whom Rich works, receive nightly and timely phone calls from their adult children. Have a system in place when if the parent does not answer, a friend, neighbor or family member can enter the home and make sure the parent has not fallen or become ill.

The Neon Blinking Light:

Do not wait for something bad to happen such as a fall or hospitalization. Notice the warning signs first. “If the parents are not eating well, if they aren't taking their medications appropriately, if they are getting confused, it's time to step in,” Rich said.

Top 5 things to help with:

- House maintenance (lawn care, shoveling, gutter cleaning, leaf raking, etc.)

- Medication management (dosage, timing, reminders, etc.)

- Appropriate Nutrition (Meals on Wheels, frozen leftovers from family, etc.)

- Doctors appointments and followups (It is ok to call and ask questions because they might not realize they are a customer and remind them that if they are still in pain, it is OK to tell a doctor)

- Finance management (bills, banking, mail, etc.)

Good Samaritan Society of Fort Collins is prepared to help start conversations between adult children and elderly parents in Northern Colorado. They offer a wide range of resources to help make the role reversal easier so you can focus on the quality of time together.